Thursday, May 10, 2012


A friend of mine just told me that she had finally gotten past not wanting to be a Mom. Mother's Day is this Sunday, and let's be honest, being a Mom isn't always glamorous or fulfilling or rewarding or fun. Sometimes, I don't even think it's bearable, personally.

This is her first child, but I vividly remember that day in my journey.  I couldn't tell you the exact date but it was sometime in the 14 months after Korynne was born and before my new kitchen (I was standing in my old kitchen for this "aha" moment).  I had 2 small children. At most, Seth was 2, Korynne was 1, and I was pregnant with Jenna.  But it was probably in the time before I was pregnant with our 3rd, and I had a non-walker and a babe in arms.

I remember thinking: I don't want this life. I don't want to be a Mom.

I'm not sure where I would've gone. Anywhere but here. Then the thought occurred to me:  Where would I be if not here? 

I wouldn't be a wife or a Mom. 

I probably started talking to myself out loud:  If I weren't a wife and a Mom, I would be working. 

I would be working and looking for a husband. 

I would be working and looking for a husband so I could be a Mom. 

If I weren't where I am today, I would be trying to get where I already am. 

Since I am where I want to be, I ought to put on my big girl panties and make the best of it.

Sure, it's not as glorious as I had imagined... some sort of Pottery Barn catalog photo... but it's what I want. It's my life.  It's the realization of my girlhood fantasies.  And I have been blessed beyond measure.

You know, once I had that pep talk with myself, that was it. I realized I was in it for the long haul. I reference that realization on the days where I feel like I'm spinning my wheels.  And, fortunately, I haven't despaired quite like I did that particular day when I was almost ready to run away.

My friend, Happy Mother's Day!  You're doing a great job.  Keep it up. 

1 comment:

  1. I love you, Clara. I'm glad to see you're blogging again. Love your blogs, too. And this is the closest to famous I might ever be. - SBD