Part I: Superpowers at the Armory
Part II: Superpowers Aren't Enough
Part III: My Favorite Superpower
I slowly stood up and turned to walk backwards, leading Joel to the bathroom. Bent over, taking tiny steps, I was encouraging him as we went.
"Come on, buddy, you're doing great."
*hurl*
"Walk with me, buddy. Good job."
*yack*
"You can do it, big guy."
*gag*
By the time, I was out my bedroom door and starting around the corner into the bathroom, Kyle was by my side. I pleaded, "Help me. Get him to the bathroom."
"Here's the bowl," he insisted.
I didn't see the bowl, but I looked again... I didn't see it because it wasn't one of my shiny stainless steel bowls, it was a clear bowl - the bottom piece of our salad spinner.
Oh, the stainless bowls are dirty - I knew that.
Kyle was securely holding the bowl so I uncupped my hands and allowed the contents to fall into the bowl with a thud. Then, I lightly shook my hands. Plop plop.
I washed my hands while Kyle tended to Joel.
Joel puked again.
I washed my hands again.
Joel stood there in a retch-induced stupor.
I smell-checked my hands and washed them again.
Kyle poured the contents of the salad spinner down the garbage disposal.
I washed my hands again.
I heard the blades chew the chunks Joel had not.
I washed my hands again.
We got Joel a drink of water, assisted him in brushing his teeth, and examined his pjs in the light. To our surprise, they were clean - vomit free. So we tucked him back into bed and hoped for the best.
We went back to our room and climbed into bed, but I got back up immediately and washed my hands - again - and rinsed them in bottled lemon juice.
We laughed at the whole debacle to calm our nerves and eventually went back to sleep.
It wasn't until the next morning that I noticed my cupped hands could not, after all, hold the contents of a toddler's stomach. There was one quarter sized spot of upchuck that had spewed on to the side of the bed and landed on the sheets. Ew.
And then, I sank to an all-time low. I made the bed. That's right, it was on the vertical surface and I wasn't going to touch it so I left it there. For two days. Without regret.
Some of you are totally appalled that I would actually leave my child's expelled vittles on the side of my bed and not lose a wink of sleep, but I implore you: don't judge me. I was (and still am) using my favorite, most essential, and most revered Parental Superpower: Survival.
Salad anyone?